This One Goes in the Hall of Fame

I met with an old friend that I haven’t seen in many years, and he introduced me to his friend.

I have long wanted to get my Passo off, so I was on board.

So they picked me up. I looked great from head to toe. Red summer dress with a black belt hugging my curves, red claws, and a red pedicure to match. Fresh tan, gold toe ring, stunning black Michael Kors sandals, very high heel, ice on my hands, DKNY bag and even a small DKNY bag to carry the Patrón. I was ready to slay.

The dude didn’t even shower. I could smell. Or clean the shit from his toilet. *GROSS!*

So, we drank my Patrón all night. They apparently shared a can of Goldstar earlier. And he couldn’t even give me soft drinks to go with my premium alcohol. (Not to mention, we drank out of plastic cups, and he ashed into one of my cups.)

Obviously, he couldn’t drive… Also, at some point, he kicked my friend in the head! That was our cue to go. But he didn’t offer to pay for a cab, or even walk us out. So this dude doesn’t have money for… cups or water even. We did, however, have a huge box of lotto scratchers. And the funny thing is, I kept on winning $5, $10, $15, even $20 — but that wasn’t worth anything to Mr. Moneybags.

Can’t even afford furniture. Has plastic chairs, but only two. I was like, “Dude! Why you throwing that out? $5, $5, $5 — they are $5!” And I pulled out a bunch of $5, $10, $20, etc… I stopped counting at $200. I was like: “Dude, I already pulled the shoes with express shipping — pick them up!” But he pretended not to hear me. Dumbass. He couldn’t even afford another bottle of Patrón. This was the first bottle of Patrón he saw IRL. But this is why he is always gonna be broke.

Because of that loser frame of mind.

Also that asshole behaviour.

Who does that? Drink a woman’s Patrón and bring nothing to the table. Not even a clean toilet?

Who does that? Tell a woman he wants her to have a baby with him but not even get up to walk her out? Not even call her a cab? Make sure she got home? That is next-level asshole.

You really think you are gonna show up all stinky, drink all my tequila, not even spring on having some soft drinks delivered, kick my friend in the head, and I’m gonna have sex with you? Really? This one goes in the hall of fame.